May 25, 2009

This is an in-progress painting that I have been working on since May 2nd. While I was teaching, I only managed weekends to work on it, but now that it is summer break, I have my days free to create art. Funny thing though, I am always afraid that I am going to "make a mistake", to somehow ruin the painting. Never mind that oil paint can be "erased" with turpentine while it is still wet, or that it can simply be painted over when dry, I still have that basic fear of not getting it right.

"Art and Fear" by David Bayles & Ted Orland is a book I recommend for all artists to read. It has helped me, yet it is hard to overcome years and years of thinking that nothing about myself was good enough. I married my first husband when I was 25 years old and for 17 years I was never tall enough (sorry, I wasn't going to get any taller than my current 5"0") and I was never thin enough (even when I weighed 100 pounds). Though we have been divorced for twelve years, I still carry with me a lack of self esteem. Unfortunately, this carries over into my artwork. I work everyday to overcome the fear of getting it wrong.
Back to my painting......it is based on this photograph of my three sisters and me that my mom took in approximately 1963. Back then we celebrated Rodeo Day at school every year when the Jaycee's Rodeo of Rodeos came to town. We were decked out in matching outfits from Saba's Western Wear. Mom took a few photos that morning before we headed off to school. I am guessing that in this photo, we were getting prepared for a mock gunfight as we had pistols ready to fire. Wow, how things have changed since those years of innocence! I find the idea of those times and the image itself very appealing, hence it's portrayal in a painting.

Back to the painting......I have ignored the background in the photo and chose to go with violet tones so that I will have an analogous color scheme when the painting is complete. Originally I had strong brushstrokes of color in the background, but it was too much so I simply toned it down to give the background a softer feel. I remind myself again, just change it if it doesn't work! Don't be afraid. Yesterday I came back to the painting, and yes, I was afraid to even start on painting the four girls. "Start simple" I told myself. I began with the faces and decided I could paint the cowboy hats at the same time. Once I got going, I relaxed and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I am pleased with the way it looks at this stage. I will wait a few days for the paint to dry and then I will tackle the shirts. No problem! Conquer the fear!

This morning I am starting a new painting that I refer to as "Looking Inward". I will be posting on it's progress in the days to com.